Job Security Seeker Gifts

"They always give us minimum-wage, part-time guys the riskiest jobs."

'If you keep convincing people at work that you are irreplaceable, how can you ever be promoted?'

Self-Outsourced

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

"Are there any careers where I won't get replaced by an app?"

'Oh, I already did have a job working for you, sir - This is the RETIREMENT PLAN!'

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

'Not more paperwork Sarge?'

P45 - "I have isolated the alpha/numeric code of a deadly job-eating virus."

I'd start updating your CV, if I was you..

"Don't worry, it's just temporary...'til they find a way to fire you."

"Listen, Baldo, I know what you're thinking...but as part of the management team, I can say with all confidence that your job is safe."

Redundancies

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Will work for ETFs

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

How are you at decision making?

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."