Job Security Concerns Gifts

'The easiest way not to get laid off is to get laid on.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

Redundancies

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

"This is a family operation, Ben, and we're evicting you from our family."

'My job security hinges on the fact that I work cheaper than someone overseas.'