Job Insecurity Gifts

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'Can I double my unemployment insurance? I think the boss is going to lay me off.'

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"A wage increase to match inflation."

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'I used to be an accountant but I found it too depressing.'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

I can read this audit, but HOW should I read it...What is my MOTIVATION, how do I bring these figures to life,make them sing!... Colin often wondered whether accountancy had been the right career choice for him

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

'This doesn't look good.'

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

Redundancies

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

'I don't know what to do about my check - grief or anger counseling.'