Job Security Seekers Gifts

"For a moment, I had a feeling of total security. Then it went away."

'Writing a French test to keep my boring middle management government job? ...Not!'

Career counselor: 'If you want a great job, that won't be exported, get into politics.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Will work for ETFs

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"What we're looking for is someone who think outside the box?"

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'Yes I'm sure we can find an opening for you, Mr Smith!'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

Ace headhunters.

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

The first case of resume padding.

"A wage increase to match inflation."

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Are all of these letters of recommendation from your mother?'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"