Job Security Expert Gifts

'Yes, Mr Gurkinsky is the lawyer who specializes in advocating employees who are endangered of getting fired because of staying away from work for too long... unfortunately, I haven't seen Mr Gurkinsky for about three weeks...'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"I see you've security marked your property."

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Shaped Much Different: Vietnam and Afghanistan.

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

AI Safety Officer

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

Nuclear Security Summit

"A wage increase to match inflation."

Statue of Security

Big finger print trying to forge a cheque but he can't.

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

The Ayatollah Bomb?

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'Do you hear someone shouting at us?'

"That does it! ISIS is defeated."

The Costs Of Doing War.

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

How to create a password you can remember...

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'I can't shake off this feeling we're being watched.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.