Job Security Warrior Gifts

'...your job's been transferred to India.'

"I suppose we should be grateful that at least there's no chance of our jobs being outsourced!"

"Byrnes, I'm replacing you with a court ordered community service person."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'You've been with the company for 20 years Harvey, you make an excellent wage, get 4 weeks paid vacation... I'm going to have to let you go.'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to find another way of showing how crucial you job is, Johnson!'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

Redundancies

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

I don't like the looks of this.

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'