Job Warrior Gifts

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'

"I'm too busy to be stressed."

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"Look Billington, if you can't take the strain, tell me, ok?"

Man suffering from rope burn due to climbing the corporate ladder

"I suppose you want the rest of the day off!"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'