Job Search Warrior Gifts

Graduation is scary in this job market.

"Cheer up, Jimbo -- It's only a matter of time before one of those big executive searches going on out there stumbles across you."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Perks Featured in Vacancy at Toy Company

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

'Am I the first one here?'

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

"How would you rate your toleration for risk?"

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'We're looking for people who like to take work home.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"Can you keep a secret, Fred? The truth is, I've never had a clue what curve it is I'm supposed to stay ahead of!"