Job-seeking Warrior Gifts

Job Hunting is a full-time job.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"Can you keep a secret, Fred? The truth is, I've never had a clue what curve it is I'm supposed to stay ahead of!"

"You're overqualified. Could you dumb it down a little?"

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

Ladder of Success.

"Last question. Where do you see yourself thirty seconds from now?"

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"Of course, we can't pay you. But just think of all the exposure you'll be getting!"

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

"I didn't mean to burn any bridges behind me. It was just a part of my crumbling infrastructure."

'As your friend, I'd advise you to leave the country. As your accountant, I advise you to file for bankruptcy.'

'I've proved to the company I can make the tough rationalizations.'

"I'd give you a list of references but no one will admit they know me."

'Tread carefully...it's her extended unfair dismissal qualification period.'

'What's job security like around here? Well, I wouldn't bother taking off my hat or coat.'

Fraud Squad

City Dump: Resumes.

"Well, you're both strong candidates with very similar résumés so we've decided to settle the matter through hand to hand combat."

"Interviews are always stressful...this is his fourteenth....and they all turned him down!"

For a good impression, Jack tired to maintain eye contact.

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

Financial crisis and job layoffs

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

'I looked forward to retirement. Now, thanks to the economy, I'm looking at re-hirement.'

'His job is to follow the paperless trail.'