Job Hunt Warrior Gifts

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"Can you keep a secret, Fred? The truth is, I've never had a clue what curve it is I'm supposed to stay ahead of!"

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"You're overqualified. Could you dumb it down a little?"

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

"Any other strengths?"