Job Hunting Warrior Gifts

'Very impressive. If we ever need an arm wrestler, we'll be sure to give you a call.'

"He gave me an 'F' on my resume."

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"We don't have an exercise room here. You'll stay in shape by climbing the ladder, jumping through hoops, toeing the line..."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"Can you keep a secret, Fred? The truth is, I've never had a clue what curve it is I'm supposed to stay ahead of!"

"You're overqualified. Could you dumb it down a little?"

'Oh, and if you really want this job, there's one thing you shouldn't mention.'

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

'I'm afraid of being left behind.'

"Last question. Where do you see yourself thirty seconds from now?"

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"A High-Pain Job? Yes, I believe we have that."

'I know we got the job, but trust me, ‘dress for success' always applies, even after the interview.'

"I didn't mean to burn any bridges behind me. It was just a part of my crumbling infrastructure."

'Tread carefully...it's her extended unfair dismissal qualification period.'

"I'd give you a list of references but no one will admit they know me."

'What's job security like around here? Well, I wouldn't bother taking off my hat or coat.'

"Well, you're both strong candidates with very similar résumés so we've decided to settle the matter through hand to hand combat."

City Dump: Resumes.

On paper, all applicants were very impressive. . . but clearly some were more experienced than others!

"I see you graduated Summa Cum Laude, but then didn't your whole graduating class."

Financial crisis and job layoffs

For a good impression, Jack tired to maintain eye contact.

Careers Advice

'Thanks for coming in. We'll get back to you as soon as we lower our expectations.'