Job Security Warriors Gifts

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Motivational seminars are too expensive. Just buy stronger coffee."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

Resume Dumpers

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'Of course, you realise my chief of staff has more power and influence than your chief of staff.'

Run, Mike, Run!

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

Studio in December

Joan hits the glass ceiling: 'Sorry, but I've decided to go with Wally of Arc...'

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

Redundancies

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"I'm going to make you a stay-at-home mom."