Job Security Joker Gifts

"Thank you for computerising the company - you are now obsolete, Goodbye."

"We've decided to have you recycled, Parker."

'Don't be silly, Ralph...of course you're not being replaced by a computer...you're being replaced by an electric paper shredder.'

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'...And the next termination letter goes to...'

'It contains applications for unemployment insurance.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

Man at computer at sports company wears sweat band on head.

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

'Here comes the boss. Quick, look busy!'

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"Now you can send it."

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'It appears you've done a wonderful job...of not getting fired.'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"A wage increase to match inflation."

"I'm a bit concerned the staff don't respect me, they've given me a nickname."

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

'....and that's our CEO. He's trying to find a corporate direction.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'Doctor says I've got an enlarged procrastinate.'

'The position carries no health benefits but we do give you a mantra which you can recite daily to promote good health.'

'No, I did not have a good day at the office, you know that's against the rules.'

'I'll be a little late with those reports, sir -- my desk organizer crashed.'