Security Seeker Gifts

'We need six month's living expenses set aside in case of an emergency. Our retirement plan nearly covers that.'

'We like to play it safe.'

"I'm looking for a sense of security and piece of mind in a short-recoil-operated, single-action semiautomatic."

'I don't need your love. I need a 401 (k) and health insurance.'

"I want my gun to really scream, 'Look out-he's got a gun!'"

'I can't even remember what I had for breakfast. How do you expect me to remember another bloody password!?'

'We'd like to visit a peaceful police state away from any terror treats.'

'Daddy, let me put in your card! I know the pin code, it's 6666!'

'I'm sorry, we already have a director of security...'

'Finally, I have it! Te world's first burgler alarm!'

The Virtual Reality Terror-Free Cross Continent Tour

'A vault? Yes, sir, I'll be sure to pass your suggestion on to management.'

Give me liberty...or give me security from terrorists.

'That's our quilt edged investments sorted.'

'I joined the prison service because I wanted a job with security!'

Warning: Anything recorded on security cameras may be used at peak viewing time.

"Okay, I guess this is you, but don't ever again use a baby picture for photo ID!"

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

"My invention helps people remember their passwords. I'm still working out some glitches, so don't be alarmed if he acts a little strange for a few years."

"Are you a robot?"

"Do I need a password?"

"I forgot my password, so I created a new one. Then, I forgot that one, so I created a new one. Maybe you were right. I should write them down."

'I feel more secure surrounded by things.'

"Mom, could you leave the door open, keep the hallway light on and lose the boyfriend?"

A New Home for the Tinfoil Hat

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

"Sometimes I regret using his name as my password - every time I forget it, I have to call him something new."

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

"And, of course, if I were to get the job and start feeling comfortable here I'd no longer need the security blanket."

"Mr. Rod signed us up for a life insurance policy."

'Of all the keys to lose.'

'Happy Birthday, Dad, we got you a safe to keep all your money in - only you and us will know the combination!'

'Remember when your identity was stolen? I just bought it back on eBay.'

'Tell me the truth - Does this bullet-proof vest make me look fat?'

"For a small upgrade fee. I can seat you with safer passengers."