Job Security Critic Gifts

'We can keep you here if you're willing to do this as a hobby.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

37 years in the same position.

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

"A wage increase to match inflation."

'To show you I'm not all bad, I won't be letting you go until after 'Bring Your Child To Work Day'.'

'I'm fired, am I -- What's that supposed to mean?'

'Following your 'barbecue summer' forecast, I'm revising predictions of your contract being reviewed.'

'Of course I'd never fire you, Nelson. You've been working here for such a long time, you've become part of the furmiture!'

'Mr Clayton will see you first, Sir.'

We're so pleased with your twenty years work, we've decided to offer you a two year short term contract.

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'And this is Bert, our intern. He's been with the company for 46 years!'

Redundancies

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

'I am sure you will enjoy working here until your inevitable layoff.'

'We think a lot alike - and that threatens my uniqueness to this company.'

'The best thing about working here is that nobody is irreplaceable.'

"Grunzman, I really appreciate you. I appreciate you to work somewhere else."

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"Brodkin, now that the economy is creating jobs at a faster than expected clip, why don't you go out and find yourself one?"

'I discovered just as much work gets done when you're not there.'

'But Tom, you AREN'T being marginalized. You're being fired. There's a difference.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'But what if my job doesn't want to go to China?'