Workplace Skeptic Gifts

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

Motivation to work

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

The role of administration.

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

"Just go with the workflow."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'I like people.. but not a whole lot.'

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

'I don't like the looks of this ... '

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

I think, theerfore I am underpaid