Workplace Skeptic Pillows

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

Motivation to work

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

"Meanwhile, obsessing about productivity is way up."

"I misjudged you Fenton. I thought you were a 'mover and shaker' but all the time you were just bobbing and weaving."

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

The role of administration.

"Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

''A desk job.' That's what they called it at the interview.' 'Same here.' 'SHH!'

"After an extensive analysis of your company's strengths and weaknesses our recommendation is to give us more money."

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'Apparently you can't fire everybody and still maintain productivity.'

I can outsource your job to someone who'll work longer hours for less money. Less money I can understand...but how do they make the hours longer than 60 minutes?

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'I like people.. but not a whole lot.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'I suppose they call it the rat race because only rats ever seem to win.'

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

'Money is a bit tight at the moment, so instead of cash we wondered whether you'd settle for 20% more meaningless protestations of how much we value you?'

'I don't like the looks of this ... '

"It's somehow comforting to witness a revival of the classics in motivational technique."

Occupant.

I think, theerfore I am underpaid