Management Skeptic Pillows

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

"We're 'skilled labor'. That's more than what we can say about management."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

Office temperature.

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Multi-level marketing!"

With-it Woman

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

Corporate Advertising Agency: WEEKLY SCAM MEETING

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.