Management Skeptic Gifts

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

"We're 'skilled labor'. That's more than what we can say about management."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

Office temperature.

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

With-it Woman

"Multi-level marketing!"

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

New From The People Who Brought You I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-A-Petroleum-By-Product Sandwich Spread

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.