Business Skeptic Gifts

'Normally we just come up with some ludicrously high figure depending on how deep we think your pockets are, then we offer you a huge 'discount' to bring it down to about twice what we actually need.'

"Just a standard test to measure your corporate loyalty,"

'Before sending these ideas I have to the boss, run them past legal, my Ouija board and my magic 8 ball.'

"Do you ever feel as though the portfolio of your manhood should have included combat?"

"Nope. I'm not falling for another Pyramid Scheme."

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'... And this is Goldsmith, our futures consultant.'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

"First Big Oil, the Big Steel, and now, Big Cookie."

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

'If America's economy is so bad how can we afford a billion dollars on presidential campaigns?'

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

This horse isn't dead. It's just sleeping.

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

With-it Woman

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

Emperor Trump gives a thumbs down to a polar bear