Business Idea Skeptic Gifts

'I was afraid this wouldn't work.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

The suggestion box.

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'What's the concept? I'm not sure what you're trying to say, Ms. Harris.'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

With-it Woman

Suggestions Box

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."

Suggestion box.

"My kid could have done that with AI."

"Multi-level marketing!"

Out of Focus Group

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"