Innovation Skeptic Gifts

'I love this room, so many happy memories of killing innovation..'

Ockham's razor

'Like all truly revolutionary ideas, this one is deceptively stupid!'

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

"They hired a cat to distract them from thoughts of change."

"To give it credibility let's tell the boss we stole our business idea from the Japanese instead of thinking it up ourselves!"

'Remember when you said they'll never come up with a computer to replace you?'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'Appleby believes he's come up with a way to defeat facial recognition software.'

"Why can't they be satisfied with a simple checkout scanner?!"

Homeless person with sign "Don't hire ideas men."

"You invented fire and the wheel? Do you realize this will start us on the way to fuel dependence and pollution?"

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"Mark my words: hybrid technology will trigger more slave demands!"

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

'He's extremely valuable to us - never comes up with anything, which eliminates all the blind alleys.'

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."

"Are you worried about driverless taxis?"

"Yes, it' exactly the same as the old one, but the price is 50% higher"

"It's a smartshield. It let's me know when I'm bleeding out."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

Crap from the future.

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."