Innovation Skeptics Gifts

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

'It isn't that we don't have high technology. We don't have any technology.'

"My kid could have done that with AI."

I don't think either of those two things will ever be useful. One ran over my foot and the other burned my hand!

When technology goes too far #6. The wireless parachute.

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

I.T. Fear

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."