Technology Skeptics Gifts

"I don't like when we're assigned homework from books. They keep working when the wi-fi goes out."

'He has to be older than he looks. He uses a watch to tell time.'

"I miss expense accounts."

"Dad, can you read?"

Shaker TV

'…dial tone…dial tone…dial tone…'

'This is Thompson, he'll be getting your tea department online and working on it's global brand.'

Thank you for banking with us online. Please be patient. All our tellers are busy with other customers.

'And you're sure this mobile won't affect young Damolles?'

Rare Book Store: Telephone Directories

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

Rare Books

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

I.T. Fear

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Privacy

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."