Innovation Critics Gifts

The latest in shopping cart technology: water-soluble carts that don't need to be returned.

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

Humans...What is their purpose?

Crap from the future.

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

"AI chat bot"

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

Social media and censorship...

Modern Life Blues

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

'Dear sir, thank you for your idea of a helicopter ejection-seat, but...'

"We're having a lot of trouble with this model, sir - it's lasting indefinitely."

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

'It's Jones Sir! He's showing of his ball point pen again!'

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"Frank, I need your help. The computers are down, but I was told you know how to multiply two numbers together."

'It's been going on for three years. When can we tell Scott it's really a shredder?'

"For a list of the ways artificial intelligence is killing your job, please press one."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"Do you remember when families used to get together and fight at Christmas?"

"My kid could have done that with AI."

"He's our new trend-spotter?"

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'Just where did you get this satellite tracking system, anyway?'

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."

'In the modern world manufacturing takes place in China. Most R&D is one in South Korea and support and logistics is based in India.'

"My battery died too. Wanna talk?"

"How does one experience the ultimate selfie? Swallow your cell phone."