Technology Critic Gifts

'Somehow your medical records got faxed to a complete stranger. He has no idea what's wrong with you either.'

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'

'I think we're being educated for failure...'

People are so engrossed in their phones that they don't notice the arrival of aliens.

'What's PPI and how did you get this number?'

"How can they know that?"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

Missing Disks.

"Why didn't the Fairy Godmother use her cell phone to remind Cinderella it's getting late?"

"It is not the fault of the wheel, but misuse of the technology that is to blame."

Feel alienated by technology? Tell me more. Press 1 for yes, 2 for no.

At the request of the next table.

'Our customer support has everything but the human touch.'

"Frank, I need your help. The computers are down, but I was told you know how to multiply two numbers together."

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

"Yeah, it's amazing technology and all. . .But now that everybody has one, nobody communicates directly with each other any more."

'I've traveled back in time to warn you...in the future you'll be charged a fee to watch television AND the commercials, you'll need a computer to hear music, and morons roam the streets with tiny phones they talk extremely loud into!'

"You'll do everything...accounting, marketing, manufacturing...with no pay or benefits...and three years from now we'll trade you in for a newer, sexier model."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

Old-fashioned communication

Young people should put away those smartphones and get a life!

"My battery died too. Wanna talk?"

"Here, let me kill our conversation by looking it up on Wikipedia."

"Listen mate, I can't really talk right now."

"I hate everything with a chip in it that isn't chocolate."

Robojudge US patent pending

"Do you remember when families used to get together and fight at Christmas?"

Assorted Arms Vending Machine: Insert Money and Select.

"It's not out fault they couldn't legislate against us!"

"The computer told me to do it."

CCTV - 'What did you nick them for? They're useless.'

Social media and censorship...

Doomed Postal Service: Beware of Email.

"Counsel will be advised to not text message the witness."