Business Strategy Skeptic Gifts

Edward Palmetto: Vice-President of Exuberant Incompetence.

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

'Asynchronous, collaborative, interactive - we're obviously on a roll.'

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

Voice coming from wooden horse: 'Quiet Fanshaw! If this hostile take-over bid is going to work we've got to get right inside the boardroom.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

'I'm a bit pressed for time. Give me your one-minute elevator pitch.'

'According to the budget, we'll have to count on body heat to keep the offices warm.'

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"Pistachio almond—that's the buyout."

"I've decided to add a little magic, so, everyone, say hello to my little friend."

'It's come to my notice, Simpson, that YOU'RE the glitch in the system.'

"We're always excited to hear from analysts who are bullish on the market."

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

Golden parachutes inc. - 'Our pleas for bail-out funds were ignored.'

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

I've checked - it goes down to the basement.

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

"People, the facts are inescapable. Any ideas on how we can ignore them?"

"I'm in my third day of trying to figure out which little square I am."