Business Strategy Enthusiast Gifts

"I'm in my third day of trying to figure out which little square I am."

"When I hired you to improve our procurement process I was expecting more than go faster stripes on the strategy document!"

'Remember to stay downwind from him, he can smell fear.'

'Last quarter sales are up 100 percent. We went from one sale to two sales.'

Falling Profits.

'There's only one way to save the company. Does anyone know any major celebrities who would be willing to say nice things about us?'

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

"Your company is like a used car..."

"Finally, a succinct corporate mission statement."

'Stay away from that guy - there's no profit in prophets.'

"What if we replace 'What if?' with 'Heck yeah'?"

"It's getting harder and harder to get that first listing in the phone book."

'I've found that dropouts from the Self-Esteem Center work cheaper for much longer hours.'

"In order for this merger to work, we'll need to downsize. So I'll just have my people fire your people."

"I'd like to know why we're selling elements to the companies, and then turn around and buy compounds from them."

Ernie's pest control.

"The plan is to use our disappearing profits to employ some non-existent specialists to hit our new hypothetical targets."

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

Robot Parts $5

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"