Sales Strategy Skeptic Gifts

'This call may be monitored in order to determine your breaking point.'

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

Larry's used art

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

Cold caller.

"We're targeting a specific demographic: the utterly clueless."

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

'I lost my shoe, but I got my foot in the door.'

"As you can see, it's pretty simple - just find the customer and make him buy."

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

'You are lucky, I've already refused to see five salesmen this morning.'

"Unfortunately, we lost the notes on this portion of our sales strategy."

"OK, I'll be the one to say it. With all due respect, sir, that is one heck of a big 'if!'"

"Let's make stuff and sell it to people."

Sales company

Marv's Preowned Vehicles...That new car smell can kill you! - Buy Used!

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

"These numbers are great! How did you folks turn our manufacturing division around so quickly?"

'The new business plan is the same as the old business plan except that, due to layoffs, we have less scapegoats to blame in case of failure.'

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

"I was supposed to prepare your year-end review but I figured youe sales chart would just save me the trouble."

Retreat. It's odd that they're urging us to charge ahead in business while we're on a corporate retreat.

'Of course we're making a lot of mistakes - this is a dummy corporation.'

"My hunch is heads will roll."