Sales Strategy Wonk Gifts

Marv's Preowned Vehicles...That new car smell can kill you! - Buy Used!

Larry's used art

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Brick Salesman

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

I was hoping you might convince him by demonstrating the quality of the product.

"We're targeting a specific demographic: the utterly clueless."

'Thanks for the order, Mr Barnes and I want you to think of me as your friend.'

Confident Business Team - We Know We Can

'Our profit dropped because half of our salesmen are in 'How to increase the profit' - training, sir.'

'I lost my shoe, but I got my foot in the door.'

"As you can see, it's pretty simple - just find the customer and make him buy."

Sales Exit.

"Trust me—sex sells."

'You are lucky, I've already refused to see five salesmen this morning.'

"Unfortunately, we lost the notes on this portion of our sales strategy."

"Let's make stuff and sell it to people."

'He absolutely demanded a deal. But I was able to satisfy him by doubling the price and then cutting it in half.'

"For Christmas, Santa is bringing sales in at plan."

"The Sales Department suggests we teach Customer Service personnel how to assist customers without telling them where to go."

'CROOOAX! If we ever want to sell this damned parrot, we better not anybody what he has done to his previous owners... CROOOAX! If we ever want...'

"This cream puff was owned by a little old lady who only settled on Sundays."

'Let's rush him.'

"All our phone sales staff are free range."

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

"My hunch is heads will roll."

'It worked. We expressed remorse, asked for forgiveness and sales are up sixty percent.'

"Yeah, but what's the hook?"

'I have good idea of how to improve our sales team.' - 'Great, when are you leaving?'

"It means a chieftain tank of petrol."