Sales Strategy Whiz Gifts

'Now if you're looking for a tractor that will get out there and get the work done.'

'You really know how to ask for the order!'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

Larry's used art

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Group Think Time

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

'Maybe we need new profit charts?'

Gerald Ratner's return

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

Good morning, Boss. What're you going to do about it, Park? Are you just going to complain, or are you going to come up with an actionable plan. Complainers never do, Park, and doers never complain. I wasn't actually complaining. Our patrons buy 65% less cocoa on sunny days.

Brick Salesman

"All it takes is a little marketing, Tia Carmen!"

'Almost finished.'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

'I found this sales plan from 1977 ...'

Entertainment systems

"I'm a pragmatist, Leon. Before I put a new product on the market, I ask myself, 'Will it sell?' "

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

'Well Miss Hayward, your suggestion of trying Feng Shui didn't work.'

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.