Strategic Skeptic Gifts

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"God works in mysterious ways."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

"Anyway, it turned out that god was a ruddy algorithm after all!"

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.