Skeptical Strategist Gifts

'Liberty, equality, and fraternity, eh? ? What's in it for me?'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"Nope. I'm not falling for another Pyramid Scheme."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'Oh, I HATE IT when he does that thing with his mouth...TALKING!'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"