Skeptics Gifts

I'll start believing in phantom withdrawals, when I get one case of a phantom deposit.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

'I'm getting the feeling you want a refund. But why? Let me consult my ball...'

"Tell me about yourself. I work mainly by extrapolation."

Information. Speculation.

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"...No, he can't really fly...No, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

"Thank you for not praying."

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

"Your husband is telling you not to come here anymore because, 'this so-called spiritualist is a phoney'!"

Fear/Knowledge

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"It's such a lovely day!"

Another Bigfoot sighting...

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Channelling on the Cheap

Follow Science or Your Weird Sky God

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'