Skeptic Thinker Gifts

'If evolution is real how come after millions of years we're still unable to open a can of dog food?'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

Fear/Knowledge

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"It's such a lovely day!"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

Skeptic Tank.

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

Another Bigfoot sighting...

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Channelling on the Cheap

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

Follow Science or Your Weird Sky God

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

'Oh my!...Corn circles, Roswell, aliens, pyramids - there's a connection!...'

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

The new Physics

"About the vaccine, I read online that it was so Bill Gates could inject us with CHIPS!"