Skeptic Thinker Gifts

'If evolution is real how come after millions of years we're still unable to open a can of dog food?'

"Good. I can hardly see your Catholic parents now."

Fear/Knowledge

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"So, you say I'll be doubling the numbers of animals I kill?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

Skeptic Tank.

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"If there were really a God, trees would come with outlets and wifi hubs."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

Another Bigfoot sighting...

The Government's Got Your Back. And Wants Your Front As Well.

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Channelling on the Cheap

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

'If I'd known these programs were going to be so fake - I'd be psychic!'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

'Oh my!...Corn circles, Roswell, aliens, pyramids - there's a connection!...'

The new Physics

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"And he had it peer-reviewed by his fellow pseudoscientists."