Organizational Skeptics Gifts

Puppet director, dummy corporation.

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

With-it Woman

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

'Well, if you consider normal corporate surveillance, interrogation, and harassment 'union-busting,', nothing I have to say will change your mind.'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

Headphones Strip 18: Shared profits

"It's time I cleaned out the 'yes' men in my organization- right boys?"

'Hi Mr Miller, this is the employee opinion poll. Here's the question: 'Do you love your job, your boss and the company?' For answer A, 'Yes, I do and I want to do much more unpaid overtime', please press 1. For answer B, 'No, I don't and you can fire me'

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

The Ekert Saga: '...without pettiness, feah and greed, we wouldn't need lawyahs, news media or even a government...and megaconglomecorp owns and operates all of it...and, no, I don't know how you apply fah a job theah.'

'Attention - we're combining our anti-viral and anti-bacterial placebo divisions immediately.'