Organizational Skeptics Gifts

Puppet director, dummy corporation.

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

"Guess what, Collins? Not my job to remember what I said yesterday."

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

With-it Woman

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."

Profit can be a silly thing, but your boss thinks it is everything.

'Downsizing through attrition will work if enough employees will cooperate and die.'

'Perhaps we would be better off with fewer fans on Facebook and Twitter, and more on Visa and Mastercard!'

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

'Well, if you consider normal corporate surveillance, interrogation, and harassment 'union-busting,', nothing I have to say will change your mind.'

Headphones Strip 18: Shared profits

"It's time I cleaned out the 'yes' men in my organization- right boys?"

'Hi Mr Miller, this is the employee opinion poll. Here's the question: 'Do you love your job, your boss and the company?' For answer A, 'Yes, I do and I want to do much more unpaid overtime', please press 1. For answer B, 'No, I don't and you can fire me'

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

"Every complaint should be seen as a learning opportunity, today you’re going to learn where to hide them."

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

"Hello, Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?"

'Attention - we're combining our anti-viral and anti-bacterial placebo divisions immediately.'