Management Theory Skeptic Gifts

'Personally, I don't see that management got anything out of those sensitivity training workshops.'

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

The Solar System (after deregulation)

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

'We raised the price, so at least as far as we're concerned it's new and improved.'

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

I have decided that all future board meetings will be held before lunch.

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

When Downsizing has Gone Too Far...

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

'Today the house voted for a timeline, the sentate voted for benchmarks, and Halliburton voted for staying the course.'

"Your employees have lost faith in your ability to pretend to care about them."

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"Do you want to ruin me?! Take it away!!"

With-it Woman

'If there's one thing I've learnt being a manager,it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

"Multi-level marketing!"

'And now, Henderson will introduce his 25-part plan on spontaneity.'

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

'Haffner, we'll have none of your common sense suggestions!'

Our Mission: "Who are we trying to kid? It's just one day at a time around here!"

"It's really a lateral transfer, Crampton, From 'Nobody' to 'Flunkie'."