Management Philosophy Critic Gifts

'Remember...if at first you don't succeed, hire a scapegoat and move on.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

'I tried that approach once, but my employees seized the carrots and attacked me with sticks.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

"He's not a big fan of micromanaging."

Worked Well In Groups...

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

'Give it to me straight, Mr. Erskine. Is there a downside to unmitigated greed?'

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

'He refused to climb the ladder without a safety net.'

'I'm very worried that if we fail to introduce rigid protocols to maximise client gratification indices within acceptable costbenefit parameters to ensure enhanced margins...then we'll have missed the whole point of what Christmas is about!!!'

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

"The secret is to ask yourself: what would someone who's successful do?"

Primordial Schmooze

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

Waste Management.

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

Who's In Charge Here?

'And to think I was worried it'd be lonely at the top!'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

"Our constantant surveillance indicates workers are becoming more paranoid."

Sign: Globo Corporation: A company on a journey to find its authentic self, guided by the traditional disciplines of Western Capitalism.

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

'I have great job security since management doesn't even know I work here.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."