Management Critique Aficionado Gifts

Your a steady worker. In fact you're motionless.

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

The little engine that could delegate.

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Waste Management.

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

Employer of the month...and every month.

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

"You have no idea how political this place is."

The Buck Stops Here.

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

Puppet workers.

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

"In this office I'm the dog and you are the sheep! When I bark, you move!"

Yes-Man Training Seminar.

"I'm sorry, but I don't make the rules around here. But I'd be happy to connect you with any number of people who think they do!"

"Then, at 3:45, you usher in a whole new era. I brought your flashlight."

"It says 'how about putting a slot in the suggestion box'. Well, I don't know how that got in there."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

I'm the vice president of something or other...

"I'm not sure they fully understand the concept of annual stocktaking."

"Success is buying your experience cheap and selling at a profit."

"It's agreed, then—we look for a new place for lunch."

"The company's information flow is really simple: the boss doesn't tell the department managers anything, they don't talk to the team managers, who withhold everything from the workers."