Management Critic Gifts

'...and here's our filing system.'

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

I'm the vice president of something or other...

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

'I try to be fair and treat everyone fairly when I treat people unfairly.'

'I didn't say his management style was 'laissez-faire', I said it was 'lotsa fear'.'

Micro-Managing For Dummies

"The early retirement was surprising, but he reached his level of incompetence much sooner than expected."

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"My door is always open, but not to employees!"

"The company's information flow is really simple: the boss doesn't tell the department managers anything, they don't talk to the team managers, who withhold everything from the workers."

The Buck Stops Here.

Pointless, No win situation.

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

Employer of the month...and every month.

Waste Management.

"All this talk of 'putting out top-heavy management' is ridiculous!"

"Before we finish would everyone like to agree with me!"

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

"All those in favor of getting even drunker and blowing lunch on the working class, say 'Aye!'."

"I'm getting back to being able to enjoy the little things—like firing people."

"You're not standing in the designated protest area."

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

Office temperature.

I've given you 110 for ten years, like you asked. Now I'm taking that year off that I've earned!