Management Critique Reader Gifts

'He refuses to change the lightbulb until we change management style.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

Finally! There comes my most important man!

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

'Our basic package is no frills, no chew toys, no extra Kibbles, and narry a pat on the head from management...'

'Let's get with it, Miss Ogden -- Spread some papers around on my desk!'

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

"This is Mr. Norris. He'll be coming on board as a human shield."

"I can't help but think that coming here is a total waste of time"

ABC Vice Company: Employees Must Squash Hands Before Returning to Work

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Waste Management.

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

"I'm Action Plan Man. Good luck finding someone to impliment it."

The Buck Stops Here.

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

BP is compensating those affected by the black tide in Gulf of Mexico...

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

'Or we can ask the government for a bailout.'