Management Critique Admirer Gifts

Yes-Man Training Seminar.

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Office temperature.

"But if you were a real boy you wouldn't be allowed to work such long hours."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'As you know, Wilson, our CEO screwed up big time, so he was fired and gets a big bonus. But because of his mistakes, you just get fired.'

"Don't tell me you're not hungover, it's nine a.m. and you just clocked out."

"Here's your hourly job performance review."

Boss: Suggestion Box Bin

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

'If there's one thing I've learnt from being a good manager, it's taking credit where it isn't due!'

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

Waste Management.

"This is Mr. Norris. He'll be coming on board as a human shield."

"It's the new management structure, the worker's the one at the bottom..."

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

Employer of the month...and every month.

'If a job's worth doing, it's worth off-shooting.'

"Wait a minute! I don’t ignore the concerns of my employees! I listen to them, I discuss with them... and then I ignore them."

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'I'm sorry, but there's just no room in the budget for upward mobility... We're all making sacrifices...After all, I haven't been promoted in over twenty years.'

The Buck Stops Here.

'Finally, here's your chance to do something extraordinarily good for our company - quit and start working for the competitor!'

"Something tells me his demands may be difficult to meet."

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

"I like your attitude, Peterson!"

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

"I'm looking for someone who's qualified to cover my mistakes."