Business Critique Aficionado Gifts

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

Office temperature.

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

"You realize, of course, that I'll have to make a big show of having security escort you out."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"Quicksand in a modern office building? Don't be silly."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"So we all agree to reduce our company motto to 'It was the least we could do'?"

"This is Mr. Norris. He'll be coming on board as a human shield."

"Recent research has yielded some frightening results...It turns out we are a business team held forever on a presentation chart, locked away in a supply closet."

"They got me for pillaging. How about you?"

"You know, maybe he's not the small-business man he claims to be."

"We're looking for people to fire."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

Rat Race Resources.

'You deserve a bonus, but of course we can't give you one. Instead, we offer a pat on the back and five atta boys.'

'Congratulations, gentlemen! Sales have held steady for another quarter.'

NOW HIRING SECRETARY, 'Oh, what the heck -- typing is overrated anyway.'

'G'morning, I'm the small business advisor.'

"When the going gets tough, the tough get a government handout."

"Budget Cuts."

"My name is Bob and I'm looking for a 'Yesirree' man."

'On the agenda for this meeting is sick leave...'