Corporate Critique Enthusiast Gifts

'Our filing system could perhaps benefit from a little critical analysis.'

'Relax. He gave me his word this will be a merger of equals.'

'Our company is doing much better since we outsourced our ethics division to tribal warlords.'

"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."

Innovation Stops Here

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

'Not us! Regulate them!'

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

'I thought you were ousted as CEO.' 'I was. But with my golden parachute I bought the company. I'm Baaack!'

Human Resources Recycling Zone

We're all getting rich by charging each other more.

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Selloutis - The magic pill in the green wrapper!

'I make money the old fashioned way... on the backs of our workers.'

Angry fat cat with cigar.

'You've gained a few pounds Brown, lose it! You too, Jones.'

'This is where we joined the Bailout-of-the-month club!'

"I think you've made good progress. When you first joined us, you were useless. Now you're just not very good."

"I'm 'predatory?' Look who's talking!"

"Your idea might be half baked and illegal but if it adds to our profit margin - it's great!"

'You probably don't remember me but I lost everything when you stole millions from the company.'

'I've gotten reports several of our employees are trying to make us look bad by applying for food stamps.'

'With NBC all those years, and never a bonus, stock option or retirement plan...'

"It's agreed, then—we look for a new place for lunch."

Santa and Robin Hood Talk Merger.

'Instead of being fired outright, you can stay on as an unpaid intern.'

Drinks.

"You call that dirty?"

"See if you can get my sentence reduced to a two-book deal."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Making Ourselves Whole

"Caring for the welfare of the employee is of utmost importance. I want to be perceived as caring."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'