Corporate Critique Lover Gifts

"I'm pleased to announce we've developed a new drug that's remarkably effective in generating profits."

"Something tells me his demands may be difficult to meet."

'What's this nonsense about you not having enough time to go to the toilet?'

'..and finally we come to a problem that can be solved by throwing money at it...'

"Cosgrove, why don't you tell us what you did on your summer vacation while your department fell into disarray and your projections proved to be woefully inaccurate."

"Our staff communications protocols demand that we translate this mumbo-jumbo into gobbledygook."

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

Corporate Responsibility - All front with nothing behind it.

"What's good for GM is good for America!"

Would anybody else like to ask a question before the stewards get to them?

"God came to me in a dream and told me to cut my salary in half. Obviously it's a metaphor for something but I can't figure out what."

"I did my job, I grabbed my pile, and yet no voice at eventide has cried 'Well done!'"

'Look, Johnson, we really do care and if you want to hang on till 2:30 to discuss it I can fit you in then...'

'Remember, people. Even if it was made at your expense, it's still my money.'

'Would it be possible to fire last year's 40,000 employees a second time?'

"Don�t just sit there - hire someone who agrees with me!"

A snowman holding up a giant head

"This is Mr. Norris. He'll be coming on board as a human shield."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'That's our mission statement.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Spot the difference.

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

Lethal Presentation

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"