Corporate Critique Comic Lover Gifts

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

We're cutting the forest in half, so I'm going to need you to make the oxygen of two trees.

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"It lost a little something in translation."

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

'I treat everyone here the same as my family. . . like s**t.'

"Spoiler alert! I'm about to tell you the part that really bugged me about 'Wolverine.'" "You don't have to say 'spoiler alert,' minion. It's been a month." "Anyone who hasn't seen it yet has not fulfilled their role as a dutiful consumer, and deserves whatever spoilage they will receive." "In fact, let me know who they are and I'll enter them into my database. When the corporatist revolution comes, there will be consequences." "Um... never mind."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

Miniature Design Shop: Think Small.

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"I can't decide who gets the promotion, so we'll settle it with a rope toy Tug O' War."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"He treated associates like he treated his plants."

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"You're quitting? You're walking out?? Couldn't you have at least waited until I finished outsourcing the company??!"

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

Subordinate Employee

'And this will be our strategic plan for the coming year.'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

Finally! There comes my most important man!

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

"There are two ways we can go here - bark or bite."

'That was when I closed five distribution centres, mothballed a factory and sacked 3,000 workers.'

'This is the latest management structure...It'll help you see where you fit in...'

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"I don't want to insult your intelligence - I imagine that happens enough as it is."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."