Career Skeptics Gifts

'My dad says job security and company loyalty are an urban myth.'

'Why do you have to have a career? -- I don't have a career!'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'I've been thinking about quitting, but it's the only thing that gets me out of the house.'

"She said that she's against combing marriage with a career....so I quit my job."

'You're too big to fail and be fired, but too small to move up to the job you'd like'

"Your experience is impressive and your qualifications excellent but I'm afraid you're let down by not being the same as everyone else."

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

Jones, Needham, Pinkner, Fortney - Just doing their jobs.

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'I just don't get it. The new motivational posters aren't helping at all!'

"I'm at the point where I find mixed signals reassuring."

'You were a boring accountant in ten previous lives.'

'I hate my boss!...'

"You could do a lot worse then be good at football... I know... some people have to settle for politics."

Time Slavery.

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

'If you knew that economics was the 'dismal science,' why did you become an economist?'

'The meaning of life?.. You want the next mountain along.'

'I see you hold degrees in eating, sleeping, AND mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the other college graduates who have applied.'

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

"You don't even look good on paper."

"I'm thinking of getting out of medicine completely… or volunteering in a third world country to do my liposuction."

"I don't know, Baldo. I like being an assistant manager and all...but I'm not sure this job is for me."

"Do I want the job? Huh, I never thought about it like that."

'Oh, please no, ma'am! I couldn't stand the stress of success!'

"Why don't you become a boxer? Haha, just kidding!"

"Don't worry, it's just temporary...'til they find a way to fire you."

''If you were a horse we'd have shot you and sold you to a dog food factory, then at least we'd have made some money from you.' Hm, is that a good or a bad employers' reference?'

'I hear you're having trouble with your 'career'.'