Workplace Commentator Gifts

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

Employee Evaluations Today. This is what I hate most about being married to the job --- Having to talk about the relationship.

'Of course it's not your fault, Smedley, but someone has to accept the responsibility.'

'At least you're leaving with your dignity? Oh no you're not! Any dignity accrued working here is clearly company property.'

'Maybe we are micro-managing a bit too much.'

"So apart from the soul crushing workload mindless bureaucracy and jawdropping Lee done management are you happy with your work?"

"It'll make more sense when you've been here a while!"

My brilliant career

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

Smoke and mirrors.

"If they do let anyone go I don't think age will be a consideration. You shouldn't kill yourself trying to look younger than you are."

"Bill, I do believe you've written the great American memo."

Occupant.

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

''Benefit of the doubt' was our only benefit and now, the company has sent it offshore.'

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Under our new definition of 'what is a sale?', he hasn't made any this year."

I'd like to replace him with a computer, but we can't find out what he does.

"We don't have a gym, but the boss keeps you on your toes."

'All we want is to be loved while making obscene profits.'

'Management is very concerned about 'work life' balance, particularly where back room staff are concerned...We think you give too much, you need to get your lives back.'

"But first let's all congratulate Ted on his return to work."

'Will sublet 5pm-9am & weekends.'

"You've got to eat less because of your small wage? Well, that's our company health care plan!"

'The problem is, you don't take enough pride in your temporary, no benefit, below living wage job!'

'You're getting that office with windows you've always wanted - you'll be working from your cart in the parking lot with a laptop.'

'A ceiling? All this time I thought it was a floor.'

'What I like most about the new boss is that you always know EXACTLY where you stand with him!'

'We can always use an extra hand in accounting.'

"The staff survey shows that signs of stress and depression are going through the roof!"

"The computer in the main office says you need to be fired but it didn't say why."