Workplace Commentary Fan Gifts

"Well, maybe if you let me work from home I wouldn't have to look at porn on my work computer."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

Hey boss, in light of all that's been happening in Hollywood and journalism, I just want to thank you. For what? Well, for a long time now, you've underpaid me, overworked me, threatened to replace me with undocumented workers or robots, made me an unwitting accomplice to money laundering for foreign oligarchs ... but you've never sexually harassed me. So for that, boss, I thank you. Only a fool would engage in an unprofitable ... I mean ... immoral ... activity. You're such a wonderful very bad

''Benefit of the doubt' was our only benefit and now, the company has sent it offshore.'

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Was 'delegation' the only thing you learnt on that management course?"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"Here a Goldstein and Company, if at first you don't succeed, you're fired!"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

'All of your previous employers said you are very loyal.'

"Anderson, we'd like to talk to you about your stand-offish attitude.'

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'

'That must be the guy from corporate.'

"I really enjoyed my job. Management found about it and fired me."

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work