Workplace Commentary Fan Gifts

"Well, maybe if you let me work from home I wouldn't have to look at porn on my work computer."

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"You haven't been laid off because you're the designated scapegoat."

'Stevens, get in here. I need a few minutes with the left side of your brain.'

"Of course I believe in diversity. Harlan, here, is an endangered species."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'You said you wanted more responsibility, so I'm making you responsible for everything that goes wrong.'

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'hard work and more hard work got me where I am today...Not my hard work of course.'

'The good news is we're not laying you off. The bad news is we want you to take a 20-year lunch break without pay.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

'You're not being fired Jenkins. It's just that all our colleagues have booted you out of the company.'

''Benefit of the doubt' was our only benefit and now, the company has sent it offshore.'

"We added it just for the millenials."

"Was 'delegation' the only thing you learnt on that management course?"

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"Here a Goldstein and Company, if at first you don't succeed, you're fired!"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

a crash-test dummy is performing some affirmations before going to work

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

'That must be the guy from corporate.'

'All of your previous employers said you are very loyal.'

"Anderson, we'd like to talk to you about your stand-offish attitude.'

Now Hiring, 'I was about to ask him if he could work without supervision, when he just wandered away!'

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'