Corporate Commentary Fan Gifts

'A nice feature of this office, the view from that window won't distract you from your work.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'If corporate lawyers are a dime a dozen, where are the other ten?'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Who's taking my order—the committee of the whole, or is there a liaison for decaf?"

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'The boss said I never made any profits and I never found customers worth mentioning and that's why he promoted me to the company's chief bad example!'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

Let's Celebrate

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'When I said you could name your salary, I meant you could give it a name.'

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

'To cut back on traveling expenses, we're going to start sending you out as an e-mail attachment.'

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."